17%

2 days ago i heard a study on the radio that said that only 17% of American women had the big "O" every time they had sex.

                          SAY WHAT?!

I know.

Now before I finish the rest of my thought, i did pause to reflect on the fact that the other 83% might be in my audience, (which by the way has grown a tad since we last spoke) So in an effort not to offend anybody, i'm going to Walk the line a bit gingerly. i'll tip toe, i'll speak in my inside voice. I'll try not to be "normal mian" who would roll my eyes and say, "THATS ABSURD AND ABUSE! why have sex if you can't get off?!" 

so here it goes. full disclosure, I usually share with my husband my posts that involve him. Not for his approval, (LIGAF) but mainly b/c i love him and want him to hear it first. Sometimes, often actually he is mentioned or its ABOUT him so i read it to him so he's not totally mortified. 

Well not this time.

Chris is now in Newport Beach, CA. his first day of work is today. He's probably getting a tie on now, listening to WuTang Clan, and looking at himself in the mirror. he's 3 hours behind, and just getting his day started and we've been up since 6am, (thanks stella) and this is how we're going to live for the next 4 weeks. so i'm going to go on a limb and say he's not worried about my lil ol' blog and if i talk about some of our unmentionables. right honey?

So first things First. I'm a pretty good Lay. Lets just get it out there. I'm not the best.But I'm DEF not laying there like a corpse. So that being said, you know me. Or at least, you know a lil bit about me. and i have no time to do ANYTHING unless its going to produce a significant ROI. (return on my investment) 

I don't friends that dont bring Joy and happiness to my life. 

I dont do work that doesnt uplift me and also allows me to make a shit ton of money.

I dont drink alcohol unless im going to get a buzz. 

I don't have sex unless i'm going to get off. If i don't, well. I'm not that happy about it. unless i'm wasted. Then i'm probably okay with it, b/c all that movement gives me the spins sometimes.

So the idea that people have sex, (lets say people in relationships) all the time and the woman is just FAKING it, EVERY TIME makes me really sad. 

and Pretties, if you're faking it EVERY TIME, we gotta talk. We gotta chit chat. We gotta fix it. Because thats like eating frozen yogurt when you really want ice cream. Its okay i guess but man, Haagen Dazs is better I PROMISE.

Now. Please believe I'm a faker too. In fact I love to get drunk and show my ladies my best fake O impression. Many of you have heard it. (Dear chris, i never fake it with you honey, (insert HUGE EYE ROLL) )

The problem is that, sometimes or Rarely is not the same as ALL THE TIME. So the study was shocking to say the least and it got me thinking. 

Are these women happy? Would they be happier if they spoke up and said, "Hey cool guy. Um- this isn't really working for me...I mean missionary is AWESOME and everything but one time i watched a movie where people actually moved around and did it with the light not completely off and with music and with a bit of romance and then afterwards they smoked cigarettes, or snuggled, or just layed there kind of out of breath giving the other one kudos b/c hey, "that shit was pretty good" Can we do that?!

No one taught me about sex. Michael was absent and Rosa was working. No one had "the talk" with me. I lost my virginity under the bleachers of my high school with the quarterback; laying on top of his Letter Jacket while i was in my cheerleading outfit. It was straight out of an afterschool movie. I'm not worried about telling you this because I know my pretties don't judge. And i was young. i was easily influenced and he was my boyfriend. He said all the right things and I was dumb. And of course he is probably now the head cashier at Popeyes and I'm awesome, so I'm good.
But he was an important part of my life because he was the first of many men who taught me EXACTLY what i should not want in a partner. Sometimes you don't have relationships with people because you gain a lot of wonderful memories. Sometimes you gain a lot of heartache, drama and feel it was a huge waste of time. But actually you learn 3000% more in those relationships, (at least your supposed to) and so the shitty ones are just as important. So thanks #1!!!! I love re-living how effing horrible you were/are and hate that you head up my "list". UGH.

I love telling people where i lost the Big V and i cant wait to tell my girls this story, (and yes I WILL TELL THEM) b/c that will not be an option for them. As in ever. As in over my dead body. And really its a mute point since they are not having sex until they are 30 and frankly i don't care if they have it in a phone booth in the middle of times square. just as long as its not under the bleachers at 9:30pm on friday night while all you can think about is the wafting smell of the mcdonalds across the street and the fact that the sooner this is over the sooner you can get yourself some fries.

So i Like sex. Let me rephrase. I like great sex. I want this same desire for you, pretties. 

So if you're not having great sex, pull the cord and stop the bus. Talk to your partner and be sweet about it but tell them whats up. Great sex doesn't mean the big O every time. But lets say 8/10?? Is that fair?

I know many of you are Share-er's. 

"I just want him to feel good. I'm just worried about if he climaxes."

oh please. he'll be okay. I promise. And in my limited experience. (HA!!!) if you're that worried about making your partner feel good, then they are usually that worried about making you feel good and so HEY! everyone should be shouting at the end. ERRRRYBODY. Okay?

Now don't you want to go out and have some good ol' fashion college sex tonight? The kind where you don't care if you ate a burrito earlier in the day b/c he doesn't care and your jeans come off quicker then your bra and you forgot if you locked the door but also don't really care and actually are OK with someone walking in because you actually know you look GOOD from the back. 

So go forth!! Do the damn thing tonight. Because like I said above, chris in in Cali and i'm here. My college sex romp-y sex will just have to wait till I get back to Cali. and as you can imagine:

I 

CANT
WAIT
TO
GET
BACK

TO
CALI 

:-)

<3,

Mian